Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
