hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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