The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
