if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
