this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
