i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
