....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
