Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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