She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
