I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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