It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
