I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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