...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
