I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
