I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
