Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
