I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
