she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
