Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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