The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I touched a dick in church today
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
