I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i out mim tonsoeep
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