Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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