My underwear smells like fireworks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
