Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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