i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
