And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
