finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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