I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
