He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
