You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
