You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
