im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
