giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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