To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
