I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
