Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
