my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
