so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
