I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
