Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
