How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was born a porn star she said
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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