We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
