your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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