Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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