no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
