you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
