mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
