Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
