Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my poor anus
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
