her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
