I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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