I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
