I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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